So You Think You Can Hate the World?

Life sucks. It’s really the only universal truth out there. More consistent than death nowadays with all those nifty medical advancements being made, even edging out taxes because aside from sales tax one can choose not to pay them. Nothing is a more sure fire way to piss me off than to try and bring some sunshine into my normally gloomy outlook on life. I like being cynical-it means you’re less likely to be disappointed when the world hands you crap sandwiches when you asked for roast turkey with spicy havarti and guacamole.

I’ve noticed lately a large trend towards Lady Fate tossing back her leg and boxing me with her pointy toed Christian Laboutin most recently so that might be why the bar of my expectations is low. Up until a few months ago I had a well paying if soul-crushing job as a fraud investigator for a large telecommunications company-until I completely burned out. There’s something about the corporate world and its twisted ass kissing politics that just made me want to vomit. So I quit two steps ahead of being the next dissent based firing handed down by management more interested in people who could nod and say ‘Yes Sir!” than those who actually wanted to prevent dollar loss to the company. No bitterness.

Even months of unemployment haven’t forced me to regret leaving-I liked my co-workers too much to go postal on them all. If not for sweet Mary-Jane I probably would have snapped months before I exited. What I do regret is being so bloody broke that I’m steps away from eviction-that’s mostly because I enjoy living with a roof over my head. Canadian winters are not mild enough to make living in a cardboard box appealing. My fuzzy sidekick Miss. Abbi would certainly agree if she had a voice to do so since she’s a four-legged snobby bitch. Might be why we get along so well.

I’m not ashamed to admit I’m an elitist bitch. In fact in these mouth breathing, knuckle dragging, Palin cheering beginning of the Idiocracy I think more people need to stand up and look down their noses at the masses. If we don’t show those over breeding morons what culture is supposed to be in 100 years Death Race will be the world’s sport of choice. Sounds scary doesn’t it? Fucking terrifies me until I need to inhale some of Jah’s mercy…except I’m so poor I can’t afford to pick any up.

That's currently turning around and I’ll be returning to a profession that helped me keep my student loans at a healthy 25k instead of a horrendous 40k. Working as a Dominatrix in a local Dungeon. What better employment for a woman who really hates the world and the majority of people in it but to humiliate, degrade, and cause pain to corporate fat-cat types with more money than sense? Its like the best therapy money can buy-only you get paid to do it. Who wouldn’t like that?

This is why my fellow misanthropes and malcontents I wish to share with you through stories and rantings a bit of the inner peace I find flogging flaccid old men. I’ll also be putting my own spin on the usual ‘Dear Abby’ type problems…so if you’ve got a beef with the world or the people around you (especially a significant other) go ahead and email it to me at MizMisanthrope@gmail.com and I’ll answer it as soon as I can.

To wrap things up I leave you with the sainted Mike Judge’s brilliant piece of prophesy-the real reason why rational thought and higher education are doomed in this world. From the film ‘Idiocracy’ which still gives me nightmares-in a good way.